A Day in the Life of Job

Ever have an experience where you feel like things just can’t get any worse and then something else happens to prove you wrong? Me too. In fact that kind of seems to be my life for the past few months. First, dealing with my miscarriage, then my daughter lost the blanket I have had since I was three and she has grown very attached to, throw in a bunch of crappy days full of things like kids dumping toilet water all over your floor, then another big whopper when 5 of my rooms were flooded by a broken pipe, the demolition that has begun in my house, being told that we had to go to a hotel as we won’t have a kitchen or bathrooms for the next several days (this turned into a 2 month long hotel stay), a mail full of thousands of dollars worth of medical bills from the surgery I had to have after I miscarried, strep throat, and poison ivy over 90% of my body all while still in the hotel.

As my house was flooding before my eyes and I couldn’t get a hold of anyone who might have a clue as to where I could find a shut off valve, grief and panic overtook my typical calm in the storm attitude. I literally cried out “Seriously God? What are you trying to teach me? We have had one thing after another happen lately and I feel like I have handled them pretty well. I haven’t cursed your name and turned away. I’ve honored you through every storm. What am I not getting?” 

I am not a perfect being, I make mistakes and fall short of what I would like to be almost daily. While there are moments of frustration with my children and irritated conversations that have occurred between myself and my husband in the past months, I can truly say that I believe whole heartedly I have honored God in the many difficult situations of the past few months. However, I have begun to struggle with a concept that was never a struggle for me before. I am not a fearful person. Based on the word of God I am not fearful and naturally it has just never really occurred to me to fear the every day. I have watched my husband go off to war for 15 months, I send him daily to a job where death can be found at the next routine stop. For many, these situations would elicit immobilizing fear. For me, for many years, I was at peace. It wasn’t that I didn’t worry about my husbands safety at times, it was that I knew that whether or not he continues to come home to me will never change the plan that God has for me. Lately though, despite my knowledge that God does not give me a spirit of fear I can’t quit thinking about the what ifs. What if my husband dies at work tonight? What if Avynne didn’t wake up in the middle of the night because she quit breathing and I forgot to check on her before I went to bed? 

I have been literally feeling these questions being pushed into mind. One minute I am thinking pleasant wonderful thoughts and the next minute dreadful ones. This is not me, its not how I was designed, and it goes against all the God given facts I know to be true. These thoughts are the works of Satan who wishes to control me by my fear of letting things of this world go. Our families are wonderful blessings from God, and they each have souls with eternities attached, but our dependence on these relationships, our inability to let God do what needs to be done with what is His, that is earthly.

I think of Job. He had wonderful things. God had blessed him in all aspects of his life and Job was grateful for his gifts, however, Job was aware of where his heavenly treasure did not lie. Job 1:21 says, ‘“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.’” Job 2:9-10 says, “His wife said to him, ‘Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!’ He replied, ‘You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?’”

There are many things that can be learned from Job, and he was not all peace, love, and happiness throughout his turmoil. In fact, he cursed the day he was born and wished that it had never happened (I thought very similar thoughts during my fight with poison ivy). Through it all though, he never once cursed God. He didn’t stop believing that God was worthy of praise simply because his own life wasn’t going the way he had planned or wanted for it to go. At the end of Job’s story we see restoration, healing, and blessings that went above and beyond the blessings that Job had once possessed. 

Our ways are not His ways, but through every trial and tribulation we can know that we are never alone. We can know that God is enough. We may get handed a plate that is far too full for us to carry, we often are faced with situations that are too much for us to handle, but for every situation like this that we face we can be sure that the arms of a loving Savior are ready and waiting for us to run into them. We are given situations that we can’t handle so that we can learn to run to Him. We are faced with the loss of earthly belongings and relationships so that we might be reminded of how little this life has to offer when compared to a heavenly eternity. This world is not my home and the things of this world can never be my security. My day in the life of Job has brought me back to a place where I am reminded that no matter what is stripped from me, my hope and my joy can be found in the Lord and the Lord alone.

A Time for Everything

I have been learning a lot lately about timing, patience, and reliance on God. I have been thinking quite frequently on Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8(NLT) which says, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.” There is so much that can be taken from these verses, in fact, I could see an entire study coming from just these 8 verses (maybe I’ll write one), but right in this moment, in this situation, in this season of my life I am focused on verse 4 which says “A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.”

In that verse it seems so cut and dry; while the times of grief and sorrow may be difficult to handle we will also be given a time to dance. However, in the midst of a sorrowful time in my own family’s life; time when tears and grief are expected and a healthy response to loss, I am finding it hard to see it as acceptable to be fully focused on the sorrow of my own situation. While I am going through a season of loss, I am constantly reminded that others are going through their seasons of rejoicing. These others range from perfect strangers on the street to dear friends who are finally getting through their times of loss. So the challenge that I am facing, one that I succeed at fully on some days and not so much on others is how do I rejoice with those who are in a season of laughter and dancing when I am shoulder deep in a season of grief?

I for one am an extremely empathetic person, I don’t just feel bad for other people when they are hurting, I literally feel hurt and pain myself. It might not be the same level of pain, it might not have the actual experience attached, but I am a woman who hears about the loss of a child, or about a new mother’s semi conscious coma and will lose sleep agonizing over what those involved must be feeling. This most recent time in my life has allowed me to practice the other side of this coin. All the information I have been given or read on the emotions one often experiences with miscarriage have had a section on the resentment that is often felt towards other woman who are pregnant or have newborns, etc. Before I had my surgery, in fact only moments after having the sonogram that revealed my baby had died I was determined that I would not do that to myself, to other women, or to the precious blessing of new life in this world.

It is by God’s grace that I am continuing to accomplish this task. We have had friends who had babies just days before I found out, friends who had babies a few weeks after my surgery, friends who announced their pregnancies in the midst of that week and a half from sonogram to surgery, friends who are finally starting their family through the power of answered prayer and adoption. Each family is unique, some never knew they wanted kids until they day they found out they were pregnant, others were expanding their families, some just found out they were pregnant with their first baby, others had been waiting for several years to even know what ethnicity or age or background their children were going to have.

I will not lie, I have had my days of struggle. Days where the sorrow seemed too much to let in any laughter or dancing, but I have a God who designed me in a very specific way and who allowed me to experience the other side of empathy. So over the past few weeks while I have been processing the sorrow of this my season of life I have come to a grand conclusion, while I may be going through a season of sorrow there are so so so many people who are finally entering their seasons of joy, their seasons of laughter, their seasons of healing. While it might not be any comfort to understand this when it comes to strangers who pass you on the street and with whom you may never have any involvement, I have found it extremely comforting to know that even in MY time of sorrow that God has placed people and families and situations in my life that are worth rejoicing over. Romans 12:15 says, “Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.” So those verses from Ecclesiastes aren’t cut and dry. Yes we each have seasons in our individual life that are full of sorrow, or full of joy, full of building or full of tearing down, but for every time we are in a certain season of life we will be sure to be able to look up out of our own world and see that the lives of others aren’t often experiencing the same season. We get the chance to weep with those who are in times of trial and grief, we get the privilege to rejoice with those who are entering seasons of healing and joy and laughter, and if we choose to move our focus from our own pain and suffering we may just get the opportunity to find some joy, and laughter and dancing mixed in with the storm.

Father God, thank you so much for the many blessing you have bestowed not only on my family but on the family of others. Father, right now I am specifically rejoicing for my dear friends Angela and Joe. I am rejoicing for answered prayer, perfect timing, and for no holding back when you answer. I am rejoicing that three precious little ones will get to have two amazing parents and that two dedicated followers who are steadfast in their faith and commitment to you will have the opportunity to grow and nurture and teach these children who you are and that you have a purpose for them. Thank you God for the opportunities to stop focusing on my own little world and to see life through your eyes, to see that even in times of sorrow there are so many reasons to rejoice. In your precious name, heavenly Father I thank you, Amen.