Maddie Girl (IMO, a tear jerker)

(<-Not wanting to pose with brother)
So I have had a couple of posts on here about my little man as his little story has just recently blessed us and is new and exciting. However, after seeing my little peanut become extraordinarily clingy today I have realized that maybe it is time to devote a little more time to her. Maddissyn is a beautiful and intelligent little girl who is growing, it seems, by the second. I cannot believe that she will soon be two and no longer a baby. She is full of fire and passion and is, I am sure, destined for great things.
Just a few days ago I was listening to a song by Jodi Benson called Here in My Heart., and I first thought back to how I hated listening to this song with my mom as a little girl as I did not want to think about the day that I would no longer be living as her little girl, but instead as a young woman who must care for herself. Now as a mother myself, all of those old emotions and feelings regarding this song came flooding back and along with them came an understanding of what my mom must have been thinking and feeling as she listened to these words so many years ago. Here are the lyrics

I don't want to kiss you good night
So I'll just keep on holding you tight
'Cause baby I know you'll change and you'll grow
You'll get bigger with each morning light

I know that the sky's full of stars
And dreams call your name from afar
I'm anxious to see all you're going to be
But I'm sure going to miss who you are

But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll grow and I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart

Each tooth that you gain or you lose
And each time you'll need bigger shoes
Each step that you take will be further away
But to stop you is not what I choose.

These fingers that curl round my hand
Must do things that no others can
I know you're not mine,
But God's own design
And I want you to follow His plan

But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll grow and I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart

Its a beautiful song that makes a mother think about her responsibility to her children. I admire the way in which my parents chose to raise my sister and myself and am grateful for the independence that they always aimed to give me.

When listening to this song with my little girl I begin to see visions of what may be. To see where God may be taking her and who or what may lie on her path. I learn through this song that every moment must be cherished as her years of being little will soon be gone.
On a lighter note, I want to record some of the funny and cute things she has been doing so that I might have these memories to look back on. She is so curious lately, wanting to learn new parts of her body every day. She knows her eyes, nose, mouth, ears, cheeks, fingers, toes, tummy, belly button, and hair and has started pointing to her forehead and shoulders to learn their names. She loves to play pretend and is constantly making me some delicious plastic food in her kitchen. She is going pee and poop on the potty and is very excited after she goes #2. She claps for herself and says "yaaa, good job"! (Don't mind the poop in the picture, I couldn't resist showing everyone just how proud of herself she is).It seems her favorite word lately is MO!!!! (no, she doesn't say the n). She loves to dance and is obsessed with music ( I will not be surprised if she becomes a musician or singer). She is obstinate and has quite the attitude. We definitely have our hands full with Maddissyn in the area of attitude, however, behind her attitude is a sweet and kind hearted little girl who makes friends with everyone (though sometimes she needs a little encouragement in this area). I sometimes find it hard to place her in the category of being shy as she is so sweet and friendly and very far from shy when she is around people she knows, but sometimes my little peanut is shy. At the playground when she encounters little kids around her age I have to remind her that she needs to say hi, not just stare at him or her. She quickly recovers and quickly makes friends despite here somewhat shy demeanor. There is so much more I could say about her, but this post is getting kind of long.

I want to conclude this post with a challenge. Write things down, make a point to record even the smallest of milestones in regard to your children. We think now, when we are in the moment, that we will always remember, yet I find myself forgetting something that I thought was important or sweet just last week or even yesterday. Don't count on being able to remember (especially when raising small children), make a point of remembering. Don't let one moment slip away because our children truly do change and grow with each morning light, so cherish every morning (even the really bad Monday kind) because soon enough our children will be grown and we will long for a Monday morning where cereal is spilled on the floor, spit up is all over our shirt, and we have already changed half a dozen diapers all before 9am.

For my husband...

So those of you who know me and my husband may be aware of the struggle we have had since his return from Iraq almost a year ago. My husband and I were both blessed to be raised in Christian homes where we were able to allow our faith to grow. Unfortunately, even with this growing environment the world is a very imperfect place and my husband began to struggle with this faith towards the end of his deployment. Upon coming home he at first still attended church with me, but shortly after our first Easter Sunday with our daughter he began making excuses as to why he couldn't go or just outright saying he didn't want to/didn't feel like it.

The entire situation was completely heartbreaking to me as well as angering. There were many times that I felt resentful for my inability to relinquish all the controls back over to my husband upon his return. He was and is a great dad and husband who constantly thought of us and provided for us; I trusted him to provide for us and to care for us and yet I had to continue being the spiritual leader in our family which is not the design God planned. I did my best to be patient and to not push him further away in an attempt to push him closer. Its not my job to force Jesus into his life, but instead I am simply suppose to be an example of Him. Some days I was better at this than others as there were times where this burden was overwhelming.

Last Sunday (Valentine's Day), my husband decided that he would come to church with me. It was the first time I was taking our son as we wanted to watch how many sick people we exposed him to in that first month so my love decided to come with and help me out. Our Pastor's message was about 2Corinthians 6 and the message regarding being unequally yoked. Well during the closing prayer my husband chose to rededicate his life to Christ and reunite our family in a spiritual way for the first time in a year. He has now asked to start a weekly devotional time with me and prayer has picked up in our house once again. He has once again taken on the leadership role that he has always been meant to hold in our family and I am so proud of him. He has humbled himself before the Lord and has come to realize his position within our family as a provider physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

So I am writing this to thank God for answering my prayers, to thank those who have been praying with me, and to thank my husband for the man he is continually striving to improve for the sake of his family.

Change

So it seems that things in life are constantly changing. This change is not necessarily a bad thing and honestly, most recently they have all been extremely great occurrences. However, with every change comes a new sense of fear and an understanding that the unknown factor has grown by leaps and bounds.

One of my family's newest changes has come in the form of a little tiny bundle of a baby. Killien entered our family environment almost 2 weeks ago and has been such a blessing. He has, however, added an interesting addition of work that has been overwhelming at times. Byron had the first 10 days of Killien's life off of work, but Wednesday morning he had toreturn to work and it became apparent that it is much easier to attend to just 1 child instead of 2. Byron has been having to work late (as well as be out late to fix the car) leaving me with 2 kids by myself until about 8 or 9 pm the past 2 days. For this reason I did not get a shower for about 2 days straight.

My little peanut is also growing up which has brought its own challenges as well. She has figured out that she can get out of her big girl bed which has made nap time non existent for the past several days. I am so sick of grumpy guss Maddie.I wanted to beat her yesterday, but instead resisted the urge and just finally left her to her room for about 1 1/2 hours. It is hard to watch her constantly for an hour to make sure she stays in bed when I have another little one crying in the other room. Hopefully this gets easier. I hate seeing her put up such a fight when she is obviously so tired.

Finally, to top it all off is the transition that our entire family is about to be making. My husband and I have made the decision to leave the traditional military life (though he may still enter a National Guard unit). We have been talking and planning for this for a while, but there were several things that could not be done until others had fallen into place. We are now both actively searching for employment opportunities with the hopes that only one of us will have to work while the other goes to school and is able to be more actively involved in the kids lives leaving them in child care less often. Things now feel very official as Byron has begun ACAP and is no longer set to go to NTC with his unit. Such a blessing, but definitely a dose of reality that has let us know we have to make sure we are set for this transition.

It is scary facing all of this, while exciting at the same time. There is a lot of unknown that we are facing at this point in time and we are tasked with caring for these two precious babies while having to deal with it all. Talk about scary, daunting, etc. While I look forward to a life that leaves my husband getting to see our babies grow up, the military is also the only thing we have ever known in our marriage or even relationship as we have always been preparing for it or in it.
I just ask that all of you who are reading will keep our family in your prayers as we begin this journey of transition. We look forward to getting moved closer to all of you as we miss the fellowship of our relationships with each of you. Thank you for your prayers in advance.

He's here... Finally!!!

So finally at 38 weeks and 5 days my contractions decided to get regular and stronger :). He was waiting for the final letter of his name to be finished for his room. I finished getting it painted at about the same time I decided it was time to head to the hospital. We got admitted to the hospital at about 10:45pm (I was 5 cm dilated and 75% effaced, -2 station) At 11:45pm my doctor came in and was surprised to find me happily chatting with the nurse and my husband in between contractions.
She checked me and I was 7 cm and completely effaced. She said she thought things would go quickly if she broke my water. I agreed and labored down for a bit less then an hour. At about 12:42 am she told me I could bear down with my next contraction but not to over do it and push as I was about 9 1/2cm. So I bore down for the next minute and half with about 2 more contractions and at 12:44 am my beautiful 6lb 11oz and 18in long little boy was born on January 10, 2010.
I was once again able to reach down after head and shoulders were delivered and finish delivering him by bringing him out and to my chest.

He is absolutely amazing and I still can't believe how quickly and smoothly it went. I was blessed with no hemorrhaging this time around absolutely no tearing. It has been a great couple of days getting to know my beautiful Killien Christopher.

Your letter is done... now you can come!

So for weeks now it has seemed that my son would be making his appearance any day. I have been having contractions like crazy and last Monday at my 38 week appointment I was informed that I was 4cm dilated, 50% effaced, and at -3 station. Pretty much half way there and definitely a sure sign that little Killien would soon be making his appearance. That night in fact I had horrible contractions throughout the night and thought for sure that by the next evening we would be at the hospital. Tuesday was full of contractions, they even got really consistent being only 9 minutes apart for several hours and then suddenly back to completely irregular and no cause for concern. Aaaaahhhhhh! The frustration.

Well for weeks we have pretty much been ready for the arrival of this new little guy. Bassinet/ pack and play set up in our room, diapers, pump, clothes bought and washed, his room ready.... well. His room has been completely finished except for one little item... an L for the letters of his name. On his wall I have hanging K I L I E N. The second L in his name could not be placed on the wall as Walmart did not have anymore. I have gone in regularly over the past couple of weeks waiting for a new shipment of L's, but each time have been unsuccessful. Well today, FINALLY, there was one L in the little slot (Thank God we got there before someone else took it). I brought it home and just finished painting it to match his chocolate brown and sage green themed room. I am waiting for it to dry before hanging it up, but I just wanted to let my little guy know....



Your L is done and your room can now be completed. You are welcome to make your appearance at any time.

P.S. for those reading, I'm knocking on wood right now, but contractions have been about 5-9 minutes apart for almost an hour. We'll see if my theory is correct soon enough.