What I believe....

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.


I Believe....
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.


I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt
you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.


I Believe....
That true friendship continues to grow, even over
the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe....
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.


I Believe....
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.


I Believe.....
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.


I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.


I Believe....
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I Believe....
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.


I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.


I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.




I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do
with how many birthdays you've celebrated.




I Believe....
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others,
sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.




I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.




I Believe....
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.




I Believe.....
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life Forever.




I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.




I Believe....
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.




I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when
a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.




I Believe....
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.




I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.





'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything.'



So much going on during this season that all too often we forget some very key aspects of life. I don't know who wrote the above piece, but I believe it is a beautiful reminder of our responsibility to those around us and are mission to Love all no matter what (at least that is what it reminded me of).

Lead Me....

For all who plan on reading this post I highly suggest that you check out this youtube video first:

http://www.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DcBdFn4YgxPY%26feature%3Drelated&h=05c26


I believe that this song by Sanctus Real truly express the cry of every wife's heart, I also believe it grasps the longing of our children's heart to be lead and protected. It is also an amazing explanation of the calling that husbands and fathers are faced with.

I know that personally, the first verse is to a T the cry of my hear toward my husband

Lead me with strong hands, stand up when I can't. Don't leave me hungry for love chasing dreams, but what about us. Show me your willing to fight, that I'm still the love of your life. I know we call this our home, but I still feel all alone.

I also remember this same type of plea as a young girl who needed the leadership of a father who was convicted of these duties, so I am sure that this is also the request of my young children toward their father.

It is an amazing and seemingly impossible task. It is obviously in some way up to our husbands and father's to plead with our God for help in this area in much the same way we as wives and children request this leading from our husbands and daddy's. I, however, feel that it is also our calling as wive's and children to consistently and passionately pray for our husbands that they may be aided in this journey to fulfill their calling. In requesting conviction and aid for our husbands and fathers we will reap the benefits of our commitment to them by having our cries for leadership, priority, and love answered not only from our husbands and fathers, but from God Himself. It is a beautiful cycle and I challenge you all to pray fervently for the leader in your life.

Sermon Notes

So today's sermon was labeled The Breakthrough Power of Fasting. This week (starting tomorrow), our church is doing a church wide fast in the hopes that people will really open themselves up to the idea that God can use them in great ways this Easter. This Sunday, along with Christmas Sunday is one of the few times that people feel an obligation to go to church and are openly willing to hear the words of what same may call "Jesus Freaks". It is an opportunity to really let the light shine or kindle the flame, if you will. Each person has chosen there on particular form of fasting. Some are doing a fast of everything but fluids, others are fasting from sugars or sweet dessert type foods, and some are steering clear of foods altogether and fasting from things such as technology. I personally, due to nursing a baby, will be participating in a fast from the computer for the next week. "Gasp", yes I realize that means I cannot obsessively check my facebook every 5 minutes or even to see if anyone has commented on this blog, LOL, but I am convinced that this experience will be powerful and I ask all of my brother's and sister's in Christ to truly consider fasting from something this week as well.

The heart of the sermon this morning was this "Fasting is simply a way to seek God by denying the physical in order to focus on the spiritual. The purpose of fasting is to draw closer to God. But when we draw close to God through fasting, we tap into a break through power that enables us to claim victory over areas that once knew only defeat." Here are some examples of the purposes of fasting: (look at Isaiah 58:6-8)

For Freedom from addictions (vs. 6)
To Solve Problems (vs. 6)
For Revival and Soul Winning (vs. 6)
To conquer Mental and Emotional Problems (vs. 6)
To Meet the PHysical Needs of Others (vs. 7)
For Insight in Decision Making (vs. 8)
For Health Reasons or Healing (vs. 8)
For a More Righteous Life (vs. 8)
To Protect us from the Evil One (vs. 8)

It is through fasting that we can become closer to the will of God, but this will only happen if we replace the time we spend eating, on the computer, watching tv, or whatever else we may choose to fast actively praying, meditating on the word, and seeking out God's will. We have the opportunity to do truly amazing things on individual level through fasting, however, think of just how much more of a difference we could make if each one of us chose to fast this week. If every church in your city, state, country, world chose to fast in order to seek out God's will I believe we would see a revolution. An uprising of our Christian youth to stand for what they believe in, unbelievers seeking out and accepting the truth, healing of illness, and even possibly the second coming of our Lord. What an amazing revolution that would be. Another thing that our pastor said today that really struck me and I will leave you all with to ponder and chew on a bit is that "All who are going to come to the Lord have not yet done so and this is the reason why the second coming has not yet happened. We still have a job to do." So how can we accomplish this?

Radical Parenting

Ok, so last night I was watching show on discovery health labeled "Radical Parenting". The show went over the way that three families (maybe they did four, but I started about 15 minutes into the show) decided to raise their children. There was an attachment parenting family, a gender neutral family, and one I had never heard of until now: a non-schooler family.

With each of these parenting choices I could definitely see the pros and cons. The non-schoolers, having lacked any formal education may later on have a hard time going after a certain career choice that requires a college education. However, I believe that there is something to be said for self-directed learning. I am a person who has a formal and some what traditional education from high school on up through college, but my favorite part of my educational background are the days in which I was home schooled. Technically speaking, one could say that much of my college experience was similar as I attended online classes. While I had a set curriculum that I had to learn, I had the opportunity to spend more time in areas that I enjoyed. I also had a lot more free time to explore and learn from the world around me (this is the main way that non-schoolers learn). I believe I learned a lot from such experiences, but still see the need for a more structured curriculum as well. After watching this portion, however, I realized that I really would like to give my kids the opportunities that I had as a child through home schooling. Hopefully I will get to home school them.

The attachment parents are the group I felt most distant from, though I do like many attachment parenting techniques. I love baby wearing, but do not believe that it should be done 24/7 as this family did because I believe that infants need a chance to explore their environment. I also choose to nurse my children, however, I go more for a schedule that can be reconfigured to meet baby's needs and not an on demand approach. I also won't nurse my child until he or she is 4 or 5 as many attachment parents may do. Honestly with a schedule I do not think that a baby will have a problem weaning at a reasonable age (my daughter was done completely by her choice by 2 weeks after her first birthday. I was interested to see that this couple only offered food when baby was able to feed him or herself. Their children were never spoon fed, they were offered food and utensils and they either ate by using their hands or their utensils. Their youngest seemed very capable of feeding himself with a fork though he was only a year old. It seems that this method may have its benefits. Finally, within their methods, I was interested in their choice to use elimination communication. I have actually been researching this a bit on my own but was interested to see how they put this method into practice. The concept is that infants give us non-verbal cues that they have to go to the bathroom, but we often do not notice them. It also is based around the belief that we are "un-potty training" our kids to go in their pants (diaper) and then expect them to completely reverse what we taught them in a matter of a few months once they reach a certain age. The belief is that if we learn the non-verbal cues we will never have to potty train because it is all our children will ever know. I am seriously considering starting this up, but want to do a little bit more research into it in order to be sure I do it properly so as to not get discouraged.

The gender neutral group was in my opinion the least extreme couple. I thought for sure, in this day and age where shock value is of high priority, that discovery health would choose a family who took it to the extreme. While there were some things that they did that made my husband rather uncomfortable, overall I agree with much of what they were saying. I believe that it is important to separate chores in such a way that there is no such thing as a girl chore or a boy chore. There is no reason that boys can't do dishes and cook and girls can't mow the lawn or change the oil in the car. I also have no problem with boys playing with (by societal standards) girl toys or vice versa. Honestly, it seems to me that much of society has no problem with little girls playing with trucks, tools, and dirt, but the minute one of our little boys picks up a doll everyone has a heart attack. There is something wrong with this in my opinion. I am all for nurturing masculine features in my little boy and am sure that he will hunt and fish etc. (especially in this family), but I also am not about to tell him that he can't push his older sister's dolls in her play stroller. In fact I think it is great for all children to play with dolls and pretend home like environments. As a wife, I love to see my husband nurture and cuddle with our children, to play with them or just hold them. I think we all long to see our husbands have tender affection towards not only us, but also toward our children and yet more times than not little boys get told to put dolls down because they are girl toys while girls are encouraged to mimic diaper changing, feeding, putting to bed, and just general care for their baby dolls. How can we expect men to be affectionate and helpful if they are never given a chance to practice such tasks. Boys, in my opinion get screwed over in this area. Girls are allowed to be "tom boys" but boys aren't even allowed to look at a girl toy the wrong way without society having something to say about it. LOL.

It was just very interesting to see many different parenting techniques put to use and to realize the benefits that each can provide. It was also easy to see how each could be taken to the extreme and end up being more of a detriment than a help. I think that I will be attempting to incorporate a few techniques from each of these "radical" methods. Independent, masculine nurturers who are potty trained early due to elimination communication..... what do you think, is it possible?

Maddie Girl (IMO, a tear jerker)

(<-Not wanting to pose with brother)
So I have had a couple of posts on here about my little man as his little story has just recently blessed us and is new and exciting. However, after seeing my little peanut become extraordinarily clingy today I have realized that maybe it is time to devote a little more time to her. Maddissyn is a beautiful and intelligent little girl who is growing, it seems, by the second. I cannot believe that she will soon be two and no longer a baby. She is full of fire and passion and is, I am sure, destined for great things.
Just a few days ago I was listening to a song by Jodi Benson called Here in My Heart., and I first thought back to how I hated listening to this song with my mom as a little girl as I did not want to think about the day that I would no longer be living as her little girl, but instead as a young woman who must care for herself. Now as a mother myself, all of those old emotions and feelings regarding this song came flooding back and along with them came an understanding of what my mom must have been thinking and feeling as she listened to these words so many years ago. Here are the lyrics

I don't want to kiss you good night
So I'll just keep on holding you tight
'Cause baby I know you'll change and you'll grow
You'll get bigger with each morning light

I know that the sky's full of stars
And dreams call your name from afar
I'm anxious to see all you're going to be
But I'm sure going to miss who you are

But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll grow and I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart

Each tooth that you gain or you lose
And each time you'll need bigger shoes
Each step that you take will be further away
But to stop you is not what I choose.

These fingers that curl round my hand
Must do things that no others can
I know you're not mine,
But God's own design
And I want you to follow His plan

But I'll keep you right here in my heart
And I'll memorize each little part
'Cause one day you'll grow and I'll miss you so
But I'll keep you right here in my heart

Its a beautiful song that makes a mother think about her responsibility to her children. I admire the way in which my parents chose to raise my sister and myself and am grateful for the independence that they always aimed to give me.

When listening to this song with my little girl I begin to see visions of what may be. To see where God may be taking her and who or what may lie on her path. I learn through this song that every moment must be cherished as her years of being little will soon be gone.
On a lighter note, I want to record some of the funny and cute things she has been doing so that I might have these memories to look back on. She is so curious lately, wanting to learn new parts of her body every day. She knows her eyes, nose, mouth, ears, cheeks, fingers, toes, tummy, belly button, and hair and has started pointing to her forehead and shoulders to learn their names. She loves to play pretend and is constantly making me some delicious plastic food in her kitchen. She is going pee and poop on the potty and is very excited after she goes #2. She claps for herself and says "yaaa, good job"! (Don't mind the poop in the picture, I couldn't resist showing everyone just how proud of herself she is).It seems her favorite word lately is MO!!!! (no, she doesn't say the n). She loves to dance and is obsessed with music ( I will not be surprised if she becomes a musician or singer). She is obstinate and has quite the attitude. We definitely have our hands full with Maddissyn in the area of attitude, however, behind her attitude is a sweet and kind hearted little girl who makes friends with everyone (though sometimes she needs a little encouragement in this area). I sometimes find it hard to place her in the category of being shy as she is so sweet and friendly and very far from shy when she is around people she knows, but sometimes my little peanut is shy. At the playground when she encounters little kids around her age I have to remind her that she needs to say hi, not just stare at him or her. She quickly recovers and quickly makes friends despite here somewhat shy demeanor. There is so much more I could say about her, but this post is getting kind of long.

I want to conclude this post with a challenge. Write things down, make a point to record even the smallest of milestones in regard to your children. We think now, when we are in the moment, that we will always remember, yet I find myself forgetting something that I thought was important or sweet just last week or even yesterday. Don't count on being able to remember (especially when raising small children), make a point of remembering. Don't let one moment slip away because our children truly do change and grow with each morning light, so cherish every morning (even the really bad Monday kind) because soon enough our children will be grown and we will long for a Monday morning where cereal is spilled on the floor, spit up is all over our shirt, and we have already changed half a dozen diapers all before 9am.

For my husband...

So those of you who know me and my husband may be aware of the struggle we have had since his return from Iraq almost a year ago. My husband and I were both blessed to be raised in Christian homes where we were able to allow our faith to grow. Unfortunately, even with this growing environment the world is a very imperfect place and my husband began to struggle with this faith towards the end of his deployment. Upon coming home he at first still attended church with me, but shortly after our first Easter Sunday with our daughter he began making excuses as to why he couldn't go or just outright saying he didn't want to/didn't feel like it.

The entire situation was completely heartbreaking to me as well as angering. There were many times that I felt resentful for my inability to relinquish all the controls back over to my husband upon his return. He was and is a great dad and husband who constantly thought of us and provided for us; I trusted him to provide for us and to care for us and yet I had to continue being the spiritual leader in our family which is not the design God planned. I did my best to be patient and to not push him further away in an attempt to push him closer. Its not my job to force Jesus into his life, but instead I am simply suppose to be an example of Him. Some days I was better at this than others as there were times where this burden was overwhelming.

Last Sunday (Valentine's Day), my husband decided that he would come to church with me. It was the first time I was taking our son as we wanted to watch how many sick people we exposed him to in that first month so my love decided to come with and help me out. Our Pastor's message was about 2Corinthians 6 and the message regarding being unequally yoked. Well during the closing prayer my husband chose to rededicate his life to Christ and reunite our family in a spiritual way for the first time in a year. He has now asked to start a weekly devotional time with me and prayer has picked up in our house once again. He has once again taken on the leadership role that he has always been meant to hold in our family and I am so proud of him. He has humbled himself before the Lord and has come to realize his position within our family as a provider physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

So I am writing this to thank God for answering my prayers, to thank those who have been praying with me, and to thank my husband for the man he is continually striving to improve for the sake of his family.

Change

So it seems that things in life are constantly changing. This change is not necessarily a bad thing and honestly, most recently they have all been extremely great occurrences. However, with every change comes a new sense of fear and an understanding that the unknown factor has grown by leaps and bounds.

One of my family's newest changes has come in the form of a little tiny bundle of a baby. Killien entered our family environment almost 2 weeks ago and has been such a blessing. He has, however, added an interesting addition of work that has been overwhelming at times. Byron had the first 10 days of Killien's life off of work, but Wednesday morning he had toreturn to work and it became apparent that it is much easier to attend to just 1 child instead of 2. Byron has been having to work late (as well as be out late to fix the car) leaving me with 2 kids by myself until about 8 or 9 pm the past 2 days. For this reason I did not get a shower for about 2 days straight.

My little peanut is also growing up which has brought its own challenges as well. She has figured out that she can get out of her big girl bed which has made nap time non existent for the past several days. I am so sick of grumpy guss Maddie.I wanted to beat her yesterday, but instead resisted the urge and just finally left her to her room for about 1 1/2 hours. It is hard to watch her constantly for an hour to make sure she stays in bed when I have another little one crying in the other room. Hopefully this gets easier. I hate seeing her put up such a fight when she is obviously so tired.

Finally, to top it all off is the transition that our entire family is about to be making. My husband and I have made the decision to leave the traditional military life (though he may still enter a National Guard unit). We have been talking and planning for this for a while, but there were several things that could not be done until others had fallen into place. We are now both actively searching for employment opportunities with the hopes that only one of us will have to work while the other goes to school and is able to be more actively involved in the kids lives leaving them in child care less often. Things now feel very official as Byron has begun ACAP and is no longer set to go to NTC with his unit. Such a blessing, but definitely a dose of reality that has let us know we have to make sure we are set for this transition.

It is scary facing all of this, while exciting at the same time. There is a lot of unknown that we are facing at this point in time and we are tasked with caring for these two precious babies while having to deal with it all. Talk about scary, daunting, etc. While I look forward to a life that leaves my husband getting to see our babies grow up, the military is also the only thing we have ever known in our marriage or even relationship as we have always been preparing for it or in it.
I just ask that all of you who are reading will keep our family in your prayers as we begin this journey of transition. We look forward to getting moved closer to all of you as we miss the fellowship of our relationships with each of you. Thank you for your prayers in advance.

He's here... Finally!!!

So finally at 38 weeks and 5 days my contractions decided to get regular and stronger :). He was waiting for the final letter of his name to be finished for his room. I finished getting it painted at about the same time I decided it was time to head to the hospital. We got admitted to the hospital at about 10:45pm (I was 5 cm dilated and 75% effaced, -2 station) At 11:45pm my doctor came in and was surprised to find me happily chatting with the nurse and my husband in between contractions.
She checked me and I was 7 cm and completely effaced. She said she thought things would go quickly if she broke my water. I agreed and labored down for a bit less then an hour. At about 12:42 am she told me I could bear down with my next contraction but not to over do it and push as I was about 9 1/2cm. So I bore down for the next minute and half with about 2 more contractions and at 12:44 am my beautiful 6lb 11oz and 18in long little boy was born on January 10, 2010.
I was once again able to reach down after head and shoulders were delivered and finish delivering him by bringing him out and to my chest.

He is absolutely amazing and I still can't believe how quickly and smoothly it went. I was blessed with no hemorrhaging this time around absolutely no tearing. It has been a great couple of days getting to know my beautiful Killien Christopher.

Your letter is done... now you can come!

So for weeks now it has seemed that my son would be making his appearance any day. I have been having contractions like crazy and last Monday at my 38 week appointment I was informed that I was 4cm dilated, 50% effaced, and at -3 station. Pretty much half way there and definitely a sure sign that little Killien would soon be making his appearance. That night in fact I had horrible contractions throughout the night and thought for sure that by the next evening we would be at the hospital. Tuesday was full of contractions, they even got really consistent being only 9 minutes apart for several hours and then suddenly back to completely irregular and no cause for concern. Aaaaahhhhhh! The frustration.

Well for weeks we have pretty much been ready for the arrival of this new little guy. Bassinet/ pack and play set up in our room, diapers, pump, clothes bought and washed, his room ready.... well. His room has been completely finished except for one little item... an L for the letters of his name. On his wall I have hanging K I L I E N. The second L in his name could not be placed on the wall as Walmart did not have anymore. I have gone in regularly over the past couple of weeks waiting for a new shipment of L's, but each time have been unsuccessful. Well today, FINALLY, there was one L in the little slot (Thank God we got there before someone else took it). I brought it home and just finished painting it to match his chocolate brown and sage green themed room. I am waiting for it to dry before hanging it up, but I just wanted to let my little guy know....



Your L is done and your room can now be completed. You are welcome to make your appearance at any time.

P.S. for those reading, I'm knocking on wood right now, but contractions have been about 5-9 minutes apart for almost an hour. We'll see if my theory is correct soon enough.