Following UP

I figure its about time to write a follow up to my last post. Since my appointment almost 2 weeks ago a lot has changed. Five days after that first appointment my body started to recognize the loss and I began spotting. At that point, surgery didn’t seem as horrific as it had before. My doctor was wonderful and God so blessed me with finding him as I had pretty much randomly picked from our insurances list of approved OB/GYN’s. He was able to relate to our situation and was warm and receptive to all of my questions and concerns. He performed the sonogram at the follow up visit and was so very thorough explaining everything he was looking for in order to be sure that surgery would be our best option. After the sonogram he explained that the baby was big enough that he believed I would most like hemorrhage and end up in the ER if I were to continue to pursue a natural miscarriage. 

At this point, I was ready for this part to be over. The stress of waiting and not knowing what to expect had already caused me to drop over 2lbs in a week. I had spent the first half of my kids summer with horrible morning sickness and now I was going to spend the second half waiting to miscarry and then bleeding afterwards for weeks waiting for my body to return to normal. With the surgery, my doctor assured me even if there was still some bleeding that by the middle of August when we got to take our kids to our hometown water/amusement park that I would be able to participate in all the activities. 

So on Friday at 5:50 am we woke up and got ready. We arrived and our pastor was there to greet us, to pray with us, and to be with us as we waited. I was called back and everyone was wonderful. Members of my surgical team came and introduced themselves. The nurse who put in my IV got in in on the first try and got it taped up quickly. (This was such a blessing as I always have issues with my IV’s. Having given birth naturally 3 times this is always the WORST part of labor and delivery.) I was also so pleased when my anesthesiologist came back and explained that they would be using an oxygen mask instead of intubating. My least favorite part was when they put the medication into the tube that doesn’t knock you out, but makes you feel loopy. I hate feeling out of control and was just ready to be completely out. Byron said I got very weepy about Maddissyn’s bunny at this point and said we had to go to the pet store after I was done. Then I was wheeled back, moved from the bed I was on to the surgical bed. A mask was placed over my face, it made me cough once, I breathed in deeply again and don’t remember a thing until I woke up in the first recovery room. 

From there they got me a warm towel for my stomach which was a little crampy and wheeled me to my private recovery room where Byron was brought a few minutes later. The moment he walked in, though a lot is blurry about that time, I remember saying I think I’ll be fine to go to the pet store before we go home. For whatever reason they hadn’t put the “puppy pad” thing under me on this bed and after about 5 minutes I bleed through my sheets. Byron got new ones and helped me to change them, but after the exertion I was back to laying all the way down and it took me about an hour to get back to sitting up. Poor Byron was starving and ran down stairs to get a sandwich while I finished waking up so that I didn’t have to smell it because I was still feeling slightly nauseated. I got dressed and was ready to go by about the time he came back up.

We went from the hospital to the pet store and the 20 minute drive was long enough that by the time I got there I felt steady enough to walk around. There were no adequate Sir Tickle matches, but the local shelter was having a sale of sorts and we came home with not one but two kittens. Toby, and Rexy/Cow/Fluffy/Monkey/Tiger/ I don’t know what his current name is because we let a three year old name him.

My mom came down on Thursday night and just left today. Her help and company was so nice and the kids loved having her here. She allowed me to not overexert myself with the kids as I still had some stuff around her that absolutely had to be done. It was also nice to sleep in until almost 10 today with my hubby without the kids coming in to ask me even one question. :-)

Now to the heart and the emotion of it all. There is much that disappoints me about this situation. My youngest baby will be 2 in less than 2 months now. I was and am so ready for the snuggly baby stage and I am so disappointed that this stage will be postponed. We had told our families a couple of weeks before founding out that there was no longer a heartbeat through an adorable video of the kids holding signs talking about how they were growing and how even their hearts were getting fuller because Mommy and Daddy had told them that they I had one more person to love. I am disappointed that they aren’t getting that little brother or sister they wanted so badly and I’m sad that such a cute way of announcing was “wasted” on a situation where there will be no holding, no celebrating, kissing, or cuddling here on earth. I am upset that half of my summer with my kids was full of morning sickness and missing out on things that we would have done if Mommy hadn’t been sick.

On the other hand, here are some things I will never be sad about. I will never be sad that my baby is in the arms of my God. I will never be sad that he/she will never suffer his/her first skinned knee, that there will never be any broken hearts or tears, he/she will never be sick or afraid or lonely. I can never be sad that my baby is already home. God is good and for these things I rejoice.

I will also choose to rejoice in the life that continues to go on here on earth. I am thankful for 3 beautiful babies that I get to enjoy and that I have the opportunity to get back to life as normal with them. I will rejoice in birthdays, and loose teeth. In brand new school years and watching them learn. I will rejoice in the fact that God entrusted me to raise these 3 really awesome kids and that He has given me an opportunity to show them from a very young age how to praise Him even when a situation isn’t what you had imagined or hoped for. From this experience, they too will learn to rely on Jesus and through this reliance to become resilient and to leave a storm stronger and in better condition then when they entered it.

Lastly, I am thankful for a testimony and perspective. There is so much that God has for me to say to women. Not only women who have gone through or are going through the loss of a baby through miscarriage, but to women who are contemplating or have had an abortion. There is so little education regarding how your body will react to the loss of life within you. Even if one has chosen to think of the tiny growing baby inside them as nothing more than tissue, their body has other plans. We were created to crave and desire a little life in our arms once those hormones start to drop. We were designed with a desire to nurture the baby growing inside of us and our bodies react in this way even when we have chosen to see a baby as something other than a baby. Women who have gone through an abortion go through just as much a mourning and grieving process, only they often are uninformed and unsupported by their doctors and nursing staff regarding the emotional toll that their loss will take. I want so badly to be there for these women. To help them mourn, to help them heal, and to give them better information and support so that they don’t ever have see abortion as being the only option again. 

So even as things are coming to a close in this unexpected situation, I will say once again that I believe that God has a plan for me that is never to harm or hurt. He has a plan for my life that is meant not only to bring good and blessings to my own life and the lives of my family members, but a plan that is meant to bring healing and blessings, and good to the lives of those He has purposed for me to meet. God is good, and though there are many ways in which our lives would have been blessed by a new life, I believe that God loves us way to much to ever give us anything less than what He knows is best. When we choose to lay even our most delicate and precious blessings on the alter He is faithful and just to provide us with a replacement sacrifice and to bless our lives the way that He has promised to bless them from the very beginning. We must only trust that God’s blessings are bigger than any of the ones we could have dreamed up for ourselves.

Thank you Father, for a beautiful day with sunshine, and for 3 awesome kids to share it with. Thank you for your love and understanding. For gentle guidance and direction and your peace when we can’t see the big picture or understand the end game. Thank you for your provisions and your promises. Thank you that we can have the confidence in your goodness to not fear the world or any of the bad things that come from living in a sinful world. Thank you for your blessings that are new every morning and your love that never fails. Thank you Lord for raindrops, tears and healing.  Thank you, Jesus, Amen.

Not What I Was Expecting

July 3rd, hubby’s schedule messed up, kids have to go with me to my OB apt. Having been in the military and having Byron go through the OSHP academy it wasn’t a new task, but it still wasn’t a convenient one. I decided to plan ahead, leave early and hit the store for some snacks. We stopped at aldi’s and got snacks then headed over to Chic-Fill-A to pick up some lunch. Drove to the clinic loaded Avynne, the snacks, drinks, lunch and a last minute thought of the kids library books into the stroller. Got Killien’s shoes on and headed for the door. 

There was an interesting time with the elevator as we were closest to the door but the man in the wheelchair inside needed to get out sooner. I should have just waited for the next one, but it would have only delayed the inevitable. We got upstairs, got checked in, sat down to eat. Avynne insisted that the cup of lemonade be kept in her holder. It only took about 5 minutes for it to fall to the floor and have the straw come out the bottom of the styrofoam cup all at the same time resulting in an entire glass of lemonade all over the floor. Maddissyn asked the receptionist for paper towels. When what we were given wasn’t enough she had to go back 3 more times. Ugh, crazy kids. 

It was our turn now little man went to the door when my name was called and the nurse asked if he was me. He looked a little confused shook his head and pointed to me. We walked through the halls to the weight and blood pressure room. I had gained a pound and blood pressure was good. Off to the exam room. My doctors nurse practitioner came in. She told me that my labs and blood work from my last appointment were perfect and everything looked good. Then she looked for the baby’s heart beat with the little Doppler machine. She couldn’t find anything, but assured me that sometimes at 14 weeks it can be hard to find, but she wanted to take a look with the sonogram machine. The kids and I filed back out and towards another room. They were excited to see the baby just as they had seen Avynne a couple of years ago. Avynne was clueless as to what was going on but was happy as can be. 

I got up on the bed she turned on the machine and placed the warm gel on my stomach.  Then she placed the machines “paddle?” on my stomach and as I looked at the screen there was no need for explanation. The background music of my kids asking me where the baby was as well as the downward facing and motionless body of the baby that just 4 weeks before had been moving actively will forever be burned in my memory. There was no need for the sonogram tech to confirm though she gently shook her head at my nurse who then immediately apologized and related the message that I already knew. My beautiful bouncing baby from a few weeks ago was measuring at just 11 weeks when I was now 14 weeks and 4 days along. His or her heartbeat was nowhere to be found.

I was puzzled by how small the baby was as it was just a week before that I had thrown up for what seemed like the last time. My morning sickness was beginning to ease and I was getting into that great second trimester phase. I’m still waking up a few times a night to pee and yet this is saying that my baby is no bigger than what he/she should have been just a few days after my last exam where everything was perfect. No indication in my labs of an approaching miscarriage, a nice strong heart beat and yet here I am with all 3 of my babies looking at the image of my now dead baby inside of me.

We were moved to a more private room and waited for Byron to return the staff’s phone call. He wasn’t in a service area and it took him a while to get back to us. When I talked to him on the phone was the next time I broke down crying. He said he had to call someone and he would call back. A few minutes later the nurse informed me that he had called back for directions and would be there soon. The kids and I sat in the little room. We ate our snacks, read our library books, and wasted countless amounts of surgical gloves playing doctor and blowing them up like turkey shaped balloons. 

Byron finally arrived after what seemed like forever and we hugged for a few minutes until the nurse came into to discuss options. We had two, a procedure called dilate and suction in which I would have to be sedated with a tube down my throat and my baby would be suctioned out of me, or to wait it out and see if my body does things naturally. We decided to go the natural route.

So now we wait. I wait for my body to recognize the fact that my baby is dead. I wait to see what labor at this stage of pregnancy will feel like. I avoid most of the blogs that are scaring me to death regarding pain because every case is different. I am, however, clinging to one post by a woman who talked about how seeing her pregnancy through to completion and delivering her tiny infant was a healing process and felt almost redemptive. Still, I wait. Not knowing when things might start or how. Not wanting it to in many ways because right now I can still cling to the hope of a miracle. 

I believe in a God of resurrection and healing. I believe that if it is His will to minister to others through the resurrection of my baby’s life that he is perfectly and completely capable of doing so. I also believe that this is not the only way in which many can be reached through this situation. While this is a devastating and horribly sad time for myself and my family, we have the hope of an eternity spent together. This is a hope that many do not know. For them loss of physical life means forever, for me, it means just for now. It is my desire that whichever way God chooses to take this situation that I will be gracious enough to follow His will. 

Yesterday before I headed to my appointment I had an awesome, biblically based, and extremely spiritual conversation with my aunt in which we talked about letting God steal our show. Not in the most basic of ways, but in some of the most extreme ways to give up to God the control we so desperately long to keep. We talked about the Toby Mac song Steal My Show and how in some of the final words of that song he tells God that if God needs to he is willing to give up his career, his fears, his family. I want to live what I sing with Toby Mac every time that song comes on the radio, and right now I have the opportunity to do that.

This doesn’t mean I’m not sad. It doesn’t mean I’m not angry. It doesn’t mean I won’t go through a process of mourning that any loss of life will bring. It does mean that I will choose to see that even when the answers can’t be found that I can be sure that my God knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) I can also be confident that He who started a good work in me will see it through to completion (Philippians 1:6)

My God is the God of miracles, but they don’t always happen exactly as we would like. In November of 2010, I was fully unaware of why God would allow me to have a positive pregnancy test only to find out a week later that it was a chemical pregnancy that ended quicker then it would take most people to even realize they were pregnant. A little over a month later we found we were pregnant again on Killien’s first birthday. My little princess Avynne resulted from that pregnancy and I could not imagine life without her. If that first pregnancy test had resulted in a baby, my sweet baby princess wouldn’t be here today. She wouldn’t be hugging and kissing on me today. 

So here’s to trusting that even when the small piece of the puzzle we have available to us now is full of pain and heartache, that the big picture plan of an omniscient God and loving Savior is greater then any pain we may face in the day to day. To quote Casting Crowns,

From where I'm standing 

Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

Oh, oh

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

Oh, oh, oh, oh

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit [x2]

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
Cause You're already there
You're already there
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

You are already there

Abba Father, You are already there. I trust that from where you are standing you have a grand design that was made just for me when you breathed me into life. I trust that through the heartaches of this life and world that you have many more Avynne’s planned for me. Blessings that I can’t yet see, blessings that are bigger and better than any I could have imagined or planned for myself. I trust that I don’t have anything to fear in the mystery of this life for you have plans not to harm me, but to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future. I pray for your peace that surpasses all understanding as many of my questions will most likely be left unanswered. I pray for your healing in our family, and your hand on our lives as we mourn this loss. I pray that if it is your will that you let my witness be that of a miracle of resurrection, but if that is not in your will that you allow me to focus on sharing the hope of eternity that I have with those who have gone through or are going through similar situations. I ask all of this in your loving, comforting, peace giving name Jesus, Amen.

To be perfectly honest...

So unfortunately, I think a lot of times as moms or just humans we try and hide our insufficiencies instead of voicing them and finding that others have in some way been there too. This would in turn lead us to support, advice, or just someone who helps you to feel normal instead of like a failure.

So here I go...

Unlike the pending births of my older two children, this time around I'm not excited, I'm not looking forward to it, and quite honestly I can't get the thought that I really don't want to be having a baby right now out of my mind. This was not how I felt the whole pregnancy, but who cares how I felt a month ago when today as labor and delivery day is staring me in the face I can't help but wish that I wasn't about to bring another child into this world.

There are a great many stresses in my life right now and unfortunately it seems nothing is going as planned. I struggle with constant plan changes. In many ways I learned a lot of flexibility being married to a military man, but my flexibility only goes so far and unfortunately in the past year my plans have been changed a lot. We originally thought Byron would be almost done with the academy at this point having heard rumor of a spring class, Avynne was not exactly a planned pregnancy and that story actually begins with a hormonal pregnancy the month before that was not planned (so just as we were getting use to be pregnant we found out we weren't and then just as we were okay with that being the case we found out that we were again), we are having drama with the guard, and now trying to plan out how to diminish that drama with the guard get Byron to all of the orientations he needs to go to for the patrol and try to make sure he gets to be here for his daughters birth, it would also be nice if he had a few days with her before heading to Columbus for 5 days out of the week (at least he'll have weekends back home to see us).

All in all, just a lot of changes that have led me to stress a lot. Now, I'm having a big struggle with having a joyful heart and a peaceful mind about giving birth to our newest addition. It just feels like one more unpredictability that I really don't want to deal with. I know that this is not where my heart needs to be and it is not where God wants my heart to be as He already knows this little girl, He knows all the things she will accomplish, He knows what He has planned for her, and who she will become in Him. He has known her and her purpose since before she was formed in my womb. I want to embrace these facts and want a changed heart. I know that this is the first step, but I would love the prayers of my fellow mom's out there.

I believe that God knows well my need for this change of heart and that He will help to accomplish this change. I also believe that my need for this change is a big part of why little Avynne has not yet made her appearance. In God's perfect timing she will come, but I do believe that this will require me to get on board with things too. So please keep me and my attitude in your prayers. I could use them! I will also say that just getting it out there that I am not perfect and fall short has really helped to relieve the stress I have been feeling regarding this situation. So to everyone else who maybe struggling with a not so perfect experience right now please realize you aren't alone and that sometimes we just need to get it out there so that others are able to support.

Order in a Chaotic World

As I am preparing to become part of my local MOPS groups steering team there is a lot that must be done. First on the list, getting on track with God's purpose for my life. I feel I have been very blessed with a great group of women on this steering team who are all doing the same and with an excellent coordinator who has brought some things to our attention that could really help in this process.

One important concept that she has brought up is that our God is a God of order, He takes his time and enjoys every aspect of creation, he plans in tangible daily steps (just take a look at the creation of our world). We have also been created in His image and called to mirror our lives after His heart. This, therefore, would imply that we to should be ordered and purposeful in our lives, that chaos has no place. The question was then asked, Am I submitting to God's design for order or am I putting myself on the throne and trying to be "orderly" on my own?

Being the mother of 2 small children with 1 on the way, I understand that chaos may often feel like an every day unavoidable occurrence. However, as I read this call written by our coordinator, but I believe spoken by God; I realized that all too often my chaos comes from my desire to do it myself. I often forget to include God in the every day decision making that goes on at my house. Sometimes it seems to petty or makes me feel out of place or weak for needing help with what seems like such minuscule tasks. I am realizing that the more I involve God in my decision (even the small ones) and the more my young children see the order that He brings, all the more easily will my children follow suit. As I open myself up to submitting all aspects of my life to God, I am sure of the impact that His order will have on my own life, on the lives of my children, and on the state of my home. "For God is no t a God of disorder but of peace" 1 Corinthians 14:33a
My prayer is that I can step down off the throne and allow the peace of the King fill my home!

Spring Cleaning

As spring approaches I have found myself getting extremely excited while at the same time slightly discouraged. I'm excited for warm weather, days spent playing outside with my very cooped up kiddos, attempting to grow our own organic fruits (which if all works out will save us money), oh and did mention warm weather. Unfortunately, I have allowed my spirit of excitement to be reduced or even eliminated at times by some of friends on Facebook whose statuses have been all about "spring cleaning". Talk of cleaning cupboards, dusting the house, etc when I barely get all of my dishes done every day an have (in fact in the last week gone out to eat twice so that I didn't have to do the mountain of dishes waiting for me in the sink), has been to say the least discouraging. I will then go into a crazy perfectionist mood swings where everything has to be in perfect order and in its place. If you know my family at all you know this does not last long as having an almost 3 year old (in just a few days), and 15month old who is extremely mobile along with all the "equipment" or junk; as I sometimes affectionately call their tows, leads to very little order throughout my house for more than a millisecond. I then once again become discouraged, consider hiring someone to come do my "spring cleaning" for me, think about my dreaded bathroom which desperately needs scrubbed, and resort to sitting on the couch sifting through Facebook posts, checking e-mail, and overall just avoiding even the necessary household chores that come up. Well today will sifting through this e-mail, I came across a very encouraging e-mail from MOPS that had included in it an article written by a fellow mom who's been there and done this before as well. So here is that article for your encouragement and viewing pleasure as well............

The Case for Messy

By Christa Hogan, mom of two

Recently I spent a weekend with my little sister at her new home, which she and her husband have lovingly renovated. Everything was spotless and in order. When I returned to my house, I looked around and realized how far I had fallen from my pre-child, neat-freak days.
Sticky handprints decorated my windows and every stainless steel surface. My toddler’s rejected dinners splattered my once-white trim. The decorative pillows on my couch were lumpy and torn. I resolved to improve my housekeeping and set about scrubbing, mopping and sewing. This lasted for several days until I collapsed into bed one night, exhausted, burned out and no closer to my ideal.


"I re-resolved to embrace
the messiness of my life
with all it entails."


I suddenly remembered why I let my housekeeping slide in the first place. Keeping a perfect home with two little boys running around takes huge amounts of energy. I would rather spend mine on my family, friends and passions. Besides, perfectionist me is not much fun. She’s grumpy, worn out and resentful; her work is never done. I re-resolved to embrace the messiness of my life with all it entails.
It didn’t take long for life to test my resolve. Soon after I finished polishing every window in my dining room, my toddler pressed his nose to the glass and pointed at a bird in the sky. “Hawk,” he said excitedly. I congratulated him on his new word and left the nose print for posterity’s sake.


Dear God, please give me your perspective – that I might recognize the important and leave behind the insignificant.

What I believe....

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.


I Believe....
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.


I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt
you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.


I Believe....
That true friendship continues to grow, even over
the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe....
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.


I Believe....
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.


I Believe.....
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.


I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.


I Believe....
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I Believe....
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.


I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.


I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.




I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do
with how many birthdays you've celebrated.




I Believe....
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others,
sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.




I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.




I Believe....
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.




I Believe.....
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life Forever.




I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.




I Believe....
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.




I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when
a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.




I Believe....
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.




I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.





'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything.'



So much going on during this season that all too often we forget some very key aspects of life. I don't know who wrote the above piece, but I believe it is a beautiful reminder of our responsibility to those around us and are mission to Love all no matter what (at least that is what it reminded me of).

Lead Me....

For all who plan on reading this post I highly suggest that you check out this youtube video first:

http://www.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DcBdFn4YgxPY%26feature%3Drelated&h=05c26


I believe that this song by Sanctus Real truly express the cry of every wife's heart, I also believe it grasps the longing of our children's heart to be lead and protected. It is also an amazing explanation of the calling that husbands and fathers are faced with.

I know that personally, the first verse is to a T the cry of my hear toward my husband

Lead me with strong hands, stand up when I can't. Don't leave me hungry for love chasing dreams, but what about us. Show me your willing to fight, that I'm still the love of your life. I know we call this our home, but I still feel all alone.

I also remember this same type of plea as a young girl who needed the leadership of a father who was convicted of these duties, so I am sure that this is also the request of my young children toward their father.

It is an amazing and seemingly impossible task. It is obviously in some way up to our husbands and father's to plead with our God for help in this area in much the same way we as wives and children request this leading from our husbands and daddy's. I, however, feel that it is also our calling as wive's and children to consistently and passionately pray for our husbands that they may be aided in this journey to fulfill their calling. In requesting conviction and aid for our husbands and fathers we will reap the benefits of our commitment to them by having our cries for leadership, priority, and love answered not only from our husbands and fathers, but from God Himself. It is a beautiful cycle and I challenge you all to pray fervently for the leader in your life.